It stares up at me, all four pages of it, waiting patiently for me to mold it into a living being, to breathe life into it. All it needs is the approval of three people- myself and two others. I look back at it, quietly observing the four corners of each page, reading the different parts, admiring what I am about to create. I calmly read the first sentence: “I, Isaias Cayton Sarmiento, a resident of the State of Massachusetts, Suffolk County, declare that this is my will.”
I’m finally doing what all financial planners advise their clients to do- getting their affairs in order in the event of death. Sure, I have a living will and health care proxy, which took me an astounding two years to create. But a will? No. A financial power of attorney? No. Life insurance? No. Although I have always been intellectually cognizant of the importance of estate planning, I hadn’t given much thought to this piece of financial planning for my own life- until this year. Dad ended up in the hospital again because of his asthma, I went through a temporary medical scare myself, and the mother of a friend suddenly had a brain aneurysm and is fighting for her life. I went into action mode, creating a plan for the financial afterlife, not fully prepared for the emotional journey that ensued.
I am amazed by the amount of thought that can go into developing a will. When drafting my own, I had to decide on the beneficiaries of my probate assets, my alternate beneficiaries, my executor, my alternate executor, the assets that would be used to pay my debts, and the two witnesses who would sign the will alongside me. I made the will undergo several painful iterations, primarily by adding and subtracting names, before settling on my decisions. Then I had to figure out how the heir to my home was going to pay the mortgage. I decided to apply for life insurance, which thankfully, I was approved for several weeks later. There are other items that need to be checked off, like assigning beneficiaries to a couple of bank accounts and drafting a financial power of attorney. I also have health care directives which may require revisions.
Then there’s the statement of final arrangements. This is, so far, the most difficult form for me to work on (and I’m not finished with it), because I have to imagine being dead. Here is where I describe in detail how I want my body to be dealt with after death. Do I want a burial or a cremation? What kind of coffin do I want? How do I want to look in the coffin? Who will be my pallbearers? Do I want special arrangements during the wake? Do I want a wake? How about an obituary? So overwhelming was this morbid process that I asked a dear friend to help me complete it. But I know it’s time to address these details, because time may or may not be on my side.
When it comes to planning for death, many of us procrastinate, our subconscious saying that we’re too young or too healthy to worry about such matters today. Or maybe we just can’t bear the thought of confronting death, even though it is inevitable. We often choose not to plan until a catastrophic event happens to a loved one, a close friend, or ourselves. And then it may be too late. Certainly, life will proceed after we die. The question is, how will life proceed for the people we leave behind?
Isaias Sarmiento
© 2011
Isaias, this truly is so hard to do and requires the kind of thoughtful attention you mention here. We each face our mortality in different ways but so many of us neglect to plan for the end. That only leaves decisions in other people’s hands; not exactly fair to them, as they will be dealing with their own feelings of loss and mortality at that time, but nonetheless, that’s what often happens.
Preplanning, as you are doing, lets us take control and eases the process for those we leave behind. It’s kinder to others, gives us a sense of relief that we know our loved ones don’t have to make these decisions for us, and takes one more set of items of the “to do” list.
You now can also say to your clients that you have done this and empathize with their fears and concerns. While it may be difficult to think about it while in the “here and now,” it’s also the better way to take control of the one thing in life we almost never can predict and control.
Thanks for the post — a reminder to me to update our important records as we move into another spring.